Etiquette
by BattleJoy W
Summary: Xellos has come to Milgazia with an... interesting request.
1. Default Chapter

Introduction 

****

It was a peaceful late morning, as Milgazia the golden dragon, in his human form and in his personal, private study, sitting calmly and reading a leather-bound book. It was ancient and, though well taken care of, it was also well used and the lettering on the cover had long faded. 

He sat in his favorite chair in front of the opened windows, allowing the fresh mountain air to drift in and the bright sunshine to seep into him. Half of a light bunch was on the tray on the end table next to him, within reach. He poured himself another cup of tea and sipped it as he focused on the text.

His calm is shattered however when the darkest manifestation of evil Milgazia had ever met decided to appear sitting on his desk, smiling. "Good morning, Milgazia! Nice day, isn't it?"

Startled, Milgazia slammed the book shut, set it on the table, and jumped up to his feet. "Why are you here?"

"What? No hello? I thought your mother raised you better than that. Oh well. I've come to, " Xellos paused and then smiled widely as he picked out the right phrase he wanted to use. "Ask a favor from you."

"Ask a _favor_?" Milgazia asked dryly in disbelief. 

"Very well. Demand your assistance. " Xellos cheerfully said. "Do you really need to say it out loud what would happen if you refuse? You know what I am capable of. And yet you don't. But you do know that you will happily do whatever I say. Am I right?"

"Yes. Yes, you are." Milgazia grudgingly growled as he folded his arms and looked away.

"Splended. Don't worry. I am not going to ask you to be a traitor to your _whole_ race. I just need you to teach me a bit of golden dragon etiquette. You are normally an exceedingly polite dragon, so I thought you were the ideal person to turn to."

Milgazia blinked. What angle was the monster race trying to exploit? "Etiquette? What area? Table manners? Interactions in business?" Milgazia's face darkened as an idea hit him. "No matter what I can only reveal so much about of our holy rites and that's only information already revealed to the public. No matter what, I'd rather die than betray-"

Xellos just seemed amused as interrupted Milgazia's little stand. "Oh no. I don't need any of that. I could go elsewhere if I wanted any of that stuffy stuff. I want you to satisfy my curiosity on another area."

"Which is?" Milgazia warily asked.

"Why Golden Dragon dating and mating rituals, of course!"

~*~*~

Plea from the Author:

Normally, I wouldn't think of doing a Milgazia story but I actually mentioned this idea to some friends and they actually vehemently ordered me to do this story.

That got me thinking? Why shouldn't I do a Milgazia story? Come on, the guy does look like Gaav's and Gourry's lovechild. (Isn't that an amusing thought!?) And he is such a dignified, straight man with a strange sense of humor! (Or lack thereof according to some people's opinions.) Comedy should abound!

Then I realized one thing missing with Milgazia: Bishie torture, the Spice of Life!! 

That's where I need your help!

Gimme feedback about weird dragon mating rituals that poor Milgazia will have to awkwardly explain. (Wait until you get to the bit about Mil having to "shake his thang" in the mating dance! Ha!)

-BattleJoy Walton `_~.S 


	2. Courting Disaster

Disclaimer: Ninja Weasels from Beyond the Moon own Slayers not I.

Or maybe they just control the owners of Slayers from the shadows…

It's a conspiracy I tell you!!

Part Deux 

~*~*~*~

Normally, the dragon Milgazia was a very regal leader in his community. He was well known for not even batting an eyelash at the most dire of situations. Normally, he always retained his dignified bearing.

But then again, he wasn't normally asked to explain mating rituals to his most powerful enemy.

"Why in the nine hells do you want to know that!?"

Xellos was unfazed by Milgazia actually momentarily freaking out. "Oh, my reasoning doesn't really concern you. You just have to satisfy my curiosity. Hm. Then again, I could just borrow some of your books." Milgazia is shocked to see the book he was just reading and put down was now in Xellos's hands. And he was reading out loud part of it. "And she suggestively flicked the tip of her tail, beckoning him over..." 

A red faced Milgazia dived to try and yank the book away from Xellos, who easily dodged. " Gimme that! It's not what you think! It's classic dragon literature!!"

"A piece like this should belong to the ages! Wow! You actually are male!" Xellos smirked as an embarrassed Milgazia huffed at Xellos's insult of his sexuality. "But these type of book are usually highly inaccurate in real world application." Xellos whistled appreciatively. "Though the illustrations are veeerrrry nice..." Xellos tilted the book several angles and then paused, as his mind wandered a bit. "Anyway, the traditional way is probably the best."

Xellos was undisturbed as he allowed Milgazia to yank the book from him and try to look dignified again (with little luck). "I just want to know the nice polite method of getting a dragon into the sack. And you're the politest dragon I know." Xellos frowned, thoughtfully. "Then again, I don't really see you overrun with nubile, hot young dragon maidens..." 

Milgazia just huffed and glared at him as he puts his "classic" back on the shelf. Milgazia then composed himself and sat down on his seat and started his explanation of the proper procedure to courtship. "Well, the first step is asking the dragon elders about if one is ready for the responsibility of a relationship and if there are any prospective young maidens in the local or surrounding communities appropriate and interested in being courted. They set up a meeting between the couple and are consulted and asked their permission throughout the courtship."

Xellos looked up from where he is taking notes, with a raised eyebrow. "You have to get permission from your elders on every step?"

"Of course. No respectable dragon would consent to furthering a relationship without his or her elders' backing! It's vital to the community!"

Xellos thought about this a bit and muttered, "Don't really think she's considered respectable now... "His face brightened, " Oh well, it's not applicable in this case. Skip that part. They're all dead anyway!"

"Who are?" asked Milgazia, confused and a little nervous.

"No one of importance now. Continue!"

Milgazia continued, warily. "A first meeting between the two prospective mates is arranged. Very well chaperoned, of course. And the two youths measure each other up and see if they come to each other standards."

"What exactly are they looking for?"

"Common morals, aspirations, goals in life... Also if their lifestyles and professions and duties will mesh easily together... I guess also chemical attraction and physical attributes..."

"Ooo! Go into detail about that one! Exactly what physical attributes?"

Milgazia leaned back in his chair and thought about that for a moment. "You mean what's dragon beauty? I don't know. Kinda subjective isn't it." Milgazia mused wistfully. "Full wings... nice toned and sleek body... bright and shiny scales. In fact, it is common for dragons in courtship to try to enhance their scales by oiling them and brushing themselves with crushed mica and golddust."

Xellos muttered aloud as he wrote some notes. "Get Vaseline and glitter while in town." Xellos paused and tapped his pen against his lips in thought. "Hm. I think I still have that sequined and rhinestone studded cape from that musical still in my closet..."

Milgazia blinked at the vision of a very sparkly and shiny Xellos pops into his head. He couldn't help but shudder at the slightly disturbing vision.


End file.
